moonandme.com

Gillian turns 4 this September and will begin Pre-K at Wheelock. I am thankful that my request for a specific teacher was granted. I feel safe sending my daughter, the shy-sometimes anxious daughter, to school. I feel that this experience will only help Gilli develop the skills she needs. I know she will be loved and well cared for. I know these things because I had the opportunity to develop a relationship with her teacher when our oldest daughter entered Pre-K.

There was a time in history when children’s most important goal in Kindergarten was to make friends and foster their growing sense of self and sense of belonging to a larger community. If children left Kindergarten with the ability to stand up for themselves when something was wrong, to care for a friend when hurt and to show concern for their neighbor, then they had completed Kindergarten with success.

Can anyone honestly tell me that children aged 4-6 need to be independent from their parent? Independent- I keep pondering how I use this word. Is Gillian independent from me? Yes, she exists outside of me, as her own person. Can she think for herself? Yes. Can she take care of some of her needs? Yes, she uses the bathroom with little to no help, can get herself a snack, drink and dressed. Can she spend time with adults other than her parents? Yes, she adores sleepovers with Grandma and Aunt Jessie. She also attended daycare one day a week with another adult as well as having a part time nanny. Still, is she independent?

If my definition is based on her most basic needs of food and dressing, then yes. Is she emotionally independent?

I can’t answer this question.

I think we use independence as a way to make us feel better about having our children be in non parental care. No matter the reason for care, we must accept that our need for children to be independent is based on our needs and not the child’s.

O.k, that may sound harsh. But I am pointing the finger at myself as much as anyone else. I needed my oldest to be independent because I struggled with my new role as Mom, as well as my own guilt for having her in non parental care 5days a week.

 A child is very capable of doing many complex and meaningful tasks but that doesn’t mean they need to do them in seperation from the adult. To be indepedent in a classroom assumes that the child can direct their learning and move from painting to washing their hands and putting the paints away with little adult help.  I firmly believer in “never do for a child what they can do for themselves.”

Of course children gain independence as they mature and grow, it’s a natural part of development. What I am wondering is- do we push independence on children before they are ready and is indepedence the same as “never do for a child what they can do for themselves”. Children need to develop autonomy, we want them to be free, indepedent thinkers.

lost my train of thought… be back